January 2017

I titled this blog after I graduated law school and was subsequently unable to reconcile a so-called profession's obsession with prestige with its patent scumminess. Scummy practitioners who are miserable human beings. A scummy academy that has driven the best and brightest students away, even as it encourages mediocre ones to matriculate and throw away their life. A scummy accreditor that needs no further comment. A scummy judiciary that blames the victims, aka "sophisticated consumers."

A while ago I reached a point where I not only lost interest in blogging, but even reading other scamblogs I've followed for years.

Anyhow, I popped into TTR recently and saw that Charlotte School of Law is holding a food drive. For its own students. The tl;dr version is the Dept of Education finally put the screws to a law school and cut off Federal loans, something it should have begun in the Joan King era.

Reportedly, the DoE offered to extend loans for the spring semester if the school agreed to shut down, but scumminess won the day. Nando and his commenters have already said all that needs to be, so I'll quit here.

Please give generously. CSL Students' Living Expenses

http://www.bls.gov/news.release/empsit.t17.htm

Not seasonally adjusted	January	2016	1,111,000
	November	2016	1,124,700
	December	2016	1,130,400
	January	2017	1,117,400	6,400
Seasonally adjusted	January	2016	1,119,400
	November	2016	1,122,500
	December	2016	1,125,800
	January	2017	1,124,900	5,500
Change from Dec-16 to Jan-17				-900

July 2016 Great Taste, Less Filling

I'm really enjoying the overwrought debate over the ABA's proposed 75% rule and its impact on diversity. I predict the warring sides will study the issue until it goes away, ignoring the debt elephant in the room.

http://www.bls.gov/news.release/empsit.t17.htm

Not seasonally adjusted	July	2015	1,128,000
	May	2016	1,121,300
	June	2016	1,134,700
	July	2016	1,133,700	5,700
Seasonally adjusted	July	2015	1,118,900
	May	2016	1,124,200
	June	2016	1,124,100
	July	2016	1,123,900	5,000
Change from Jun-16 to Jul-16				-200

June 2016

One of these years, when I'm less lazy, I'll modify my table to show figures from further back. The industry is an inert blob that eats people but stays the same size.

In other news …

A little while ago I wrote about the Feds bringing down the hammer on an accreditation agency and openly wishing they'd do the same to the ABA. Well, they did! Sort of; it's an administrative wrist slap. Things should get more interesting in the future as the ABA reiterates its commitment to educational quality, even as some of its accreditees experience wholesale bar exam failure.

http://www.bls.gov/news.release/empsit.t17.htm

Not seasonally adjusted	June	2015	1,128,300
	April	2016	1,118,800
	May	2016	1,120,800
	June	2016	1,134,400	6,100
Seasonally adjusted	June	2015	1,119,200
	April	2016	1,123,400
	May	2016	1,123,900
	June	2016	1,124,000	4,800
Change from May-16 to Jun-16				100

June 2013 was a Weilly bad month

Don't get too upset about the 3,200-job loss from May to June. The gummint makes wholesale revisions in subsequent reports and the June loss could shrink to nothing. It could go the other way, of course.

What should upset you is that June 2010 employment was around 1,110,000. Law school enrollment is down but we are a long way from the point at which the market can absorb all new graduates; even approaching that point would draw the vast horde of un- and underemployed prior classes out of the woodwork. It will take a generation for the market to correct what the ABA has perpetrated.

http://www.bls.gov/news.release/empsit.t17.htm

Not seasonally adjusted	June	2012	1,133,700
	April	2013	1,125,800
	May	2013	1,125,500
	June	2013	1,134,400	700
Seasonally adjusted	June	2012	1,121,900
	April	2013	1,129,000
	May	2013	1,126,100
	June	2013	1,122,900	1,000
Change from May-13 to Jun-13				-3,200

And it's only TTThursday!

Steeeerike One

"Avoiding law school in droves" - National Law Journal - January 28, 2013

Steeeerike Two

"Law Schools’ Applications Fall as Costs Rise and Jobs Are Cut" - NY Times - January 30, 2013

Steeeerike Three

Yer out!

This has been a glorious week for everyone whose business model doesn't depend on scamming law students. Two scambloggers not-easily-dismissed publications pointed out that law school applications have cratered, falling at an increasing rate, with around 54,000 lemmings applying this cycle. It took years, but the general public has finally caught on. To put things in perspective, there are around 45,000 seats at ABA schools, meaning that if you can fog a mirror then you will be accepted at one or more fully-acredited insTTTiTTTuTTTions. I am not kidding in the least.

The ABA must be so proud of itself. Anointed by the Department of Education, it has allowed this "profession" to approach a 1:1 ratio of applicants to seats. Sort of like cosmetology school except cosmetology school is a lot cheaper and state regulators more vigilant. The biggest percentage drop comes from the highest LSAT scores as the best and brightest flee and free up seats for mouthbreathers.

Some of the talking heads interviewed expect some law schools to close and most of the rest to shrink. My opinion is the academy can't bail water fast enough to save itself. It will take exactly one marginal school failing to make applicants and current students realize they need to take financial viability into account in deciding where, or even if, to matriculate. That will lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy where schools perceived as weak in fact become weak and wither and die. The push to lower cost of attendance, likely by eliminating the third year of school, will only magnify the damage. Besides students, some other interested parties will be auditors and creditors. It's hard to borrow money if you're not considered a going concern. Oh, and just like karma, those cross-default clauses are a bitch.

Knowledge is power.

Read this inspiraTTTional sTTTory

From http://host.madison.com/wsj/news/local/crime_and_courts/alleged-robber-with-bucky-badger-hat-needed-money-for-debt/article_90e71ea0-61ab-11e2-9390-001a4bcf887a.html

"A man who wore a three-dimensional Bucky Badger hat when he allegedly robbed an East Side credit union last week told police that he wants to go to prison and needed the money because he has $250,000 in student debt.

An online UW-Madison directory lists Hubatch as a lead custodian at Union South on the UW-Madison campus. University spokesman John Lucas said Hubatch is not a current student but earned a bachelor's in English in 1998 and a law degree in 2004."

Some of you whiners claim your JD weighs you down like a millstone. What you need to do is follow the lead of this "slightly autistic" University of Wisconsin JD and take the bull by the horns mop by the handle. Does this guy sit on his couch all day playing Call of Duty? No! He cleans the damn couch and probably Scotchguards that sucker, too. Thanks to his JD and hard work, he's not just a janitor, he's the LEAD f*cking janitor.

PresTTTige: he haz it.

Now, how to handle his $250K student debt? Some people would IBR it and live happily ever after on a custodian's wages; however, a 49-year-old guy with untreated medical issues will never see the light at the end of the tunnel. Instead, he now gets three hots and a cot, and free medical care, too. Plus, what are his creditors going to do, levy on his prison commissary account?

This is exactly the kind of real-world problem solving you learn in law school. The ABA and UW must both be so proud. As for Hubatch, he may become the best jailhouse lawyer there ever was.

April 2012

Good news, and even better news. The good news is there were 3,900 legal jobs added in April. Granted, about 45,000 people are about to graduate from ABA schools, but that means 3,900 fewer JD baristas, JD stock clerks, and JD unemployed.

The even better news is the ABA is set to give provisional accreditation to UMass Law, f/k/a Southern New England School of Law. Harvard, look out! It's comforting knowing that even though the planet is going to hell, that the sun continues to rise every morning and the ABA continues to [A]lways [B]e [A]ccrediting.

http://www.bls.gov/news.release/empsit.t17.htm

Not seasonally adjusted	April	2011	1,108,500
	February	2012	1,111,800
	March	2012	1,111,700
	April	2012	1,116,500	8,000
Seasonally adjusted	April	2011	1,114,000
	February	2012	1,118,700
	March	2012	1,117,000
	April	2012	1,120,900	6,900
Change from Mar-12 to Apr-12				3,900

OcTTTober 2011

Cripe! How hard is it to write a lousy blog post every so often, especially when it's mostly reformatted data?

Followers of the legal "profession" will be delighted to learn that hiring grew in October, as hundreds of newly-barred TLS posters launched their career in sports and entertainment law. The ABA plans to commemorate this recession turning point by accrediting another two dozen law schools.

http://www.bls.gov/news.release/empsit.t17.htm

Not seasonally adjusted	October	2010	1,116,300
	August	2011	1,118,200
	September	2011	1,109,100
	October	2011	1,113,800	-2,500
Seasonally adjusted	October	2010	1,115,900
	August	2011	1,113,700
	September	2011	1,112,500
	October	2011	1,112,900	-3,000
Change from September 11-October 11				400

La Verne denied. Shirley inconsolable

Hat tip to Nando of Third Tier Reality for the news that the ABA denied this toilet's full accreditation and withdrew provisional accreditation. J-Dog of Restoring Dignity to the Law has also written about the school several times.

My understanding is this used to be a serviceable CBA-approved school that sought ABA approval and the massive tuition that comes with it.

---

http://law.laverne.edu/press-releases/aba-denies-la-verne-law-application-for-full-approval

Media Advisory

Jun 13, 2011
Contact:
Deniene Husted
deniene_husted@andrewwilkinllc.com
(714) 423-9753

ABA Denies La Verne Law Application for Full Approval

Law school remains committed to ensuring the best opportunities for its students.

ONTARIO, Calif., June 13, 2011 – The American Bar Association has denied the University of La Verne College of Law’s application for full approval and withdrawn its provisional status, officials announced on Monday.

The announcement came shortly after law school officials received the news in a telephone call from the ABA. While detailed findings are not yet available, the ABA Council’s overall opinion was that the law school’s first-time bar pass rate, which jumped from 34 percent in 2009 to 53 percent in 2010, had not sufficiently improved.

“We are deeply disappointed, but not defeated,” said La Verne Law Dean Allen Easley. “Once we receive the council’s formal announcement, we will review the findings and take action accordingly. It remains our ultimate mission to provide the very best law school education and experience possible to our students.”

Law school officials plan this week to seek an expedited timeline to regain provisional approval from the ABA, and will proceed immediately with the steps necessary to gain California Bar approval.

La Verne Law was the only ABA-approved law school (provisional or otherwise) in inland Southern California, having received provisional approval from the association in February, 2006. The law school remains accredited through the Western Association of Schools and Colleges under the University of La Verne.

“The University will continue in its commitment to achieve ABA approval for the College of Law,” said University of La Verne President Steve Morgan, who retires this month. “It is our belief that our region needs an ABA-accredited school to best serve the long-term needs of the Inland Valley region. It is our desire that the University of La Verne College of Law will be that school. Our resolve is as strong as ever and we will focus on the ABA concerns and move forward with our quest. President-Select Devorah Lieberman shares that commitment and I know she will carry forth these efforts with the same level of passion and determination.”

Lieberman, who assumes the leadership role of the University of La Verne on July 1, shared Morgan’s resolve.

“The College of Law’s mandate to provide our students with the highest quality legal education aligned with the mission of the University of La Verne is laudable, and we will continue in that pursuit,” Lieberman said. “I look forward to maintaining our strong commitment to these goals and helping to design strategic initiatives that result in full American Bar Association approval.”

The ABA announcement comes at a time when the region remains significantly underrepresented by legal professionals compared to neighboring metropolitan areas. Currently, inland Southern California’s attorney-to-resident ratio is one for every 840 people, compared to Los Angeles County at one to every 217; Orange County at one to every 223; and San Diego County at one to every 232. San Bernardino and Riverside county courts continue to report a severe shortage of judicial officers to serve the region’s growing population.

# #

About the University of La Verne College of Law

The University of La Verne College of Law serves a region of more than 3.8 million people in inland Southern California. It is part of the University of La Verne, which is fully accredited by the Western Association of Schools and Colleges. Established in 1970, La Verne Law has produced generations of law professionals educated on standards of ethics and service to the community. For more information, visit law.laverne.edu.

About the University of La Verne: The University of La Verne, a regionally accredited, non-profit institution, holds the distinction of being annually rated as One of America’s Best Colleges by U.S. News & World Report and Forbes Magazine. U.S. News also recently named La Verne as one of the most popular Tier 1 universities in the nation, measured by percentage of accepted versus enrolled students. Further, In April 2011, La Verne ranked No. 1 among all national universities in achieving the highest actual versus predicted graduation rate (Postsecondary Education Opportunity).

# # #

Even Uncle Sam thinks the ABA sucks

I cribbed the following from TaxProf.

---

The ABA drew intense scrutiny on Thursday from a federal panel that reviews accrediting agencies. The National Advisory Committee on Institutional Quality and Integrity, which advises the U.S. education secretary on accreditation issues, used a meeting here to review the applications of 10 accrediting agencies to be recognized by the federal government. ...

Of the 10 agencies being reviewed on Wednesday and Thursday, all were recommended for continued recognition. ... But several members of the committee expressed reservations about approving that status for the ABA, which was found to be out of compliance with 17 regulations, including the need to consider student-loan default rates in assessing programs; to solicit and consider public comments; and to set a standard for job placement by its member institutions.

Arthur E. Keiser, chancellor of the Keiser Collegiate System, said that an accrediting agency would not accredit an institution with 17 outstanding issues. "There is a real concern that this agency doesn't get it," he said. Anne D. Neal, president of the American Council of Trustees and Alumni, was one of three committee members who opposed the motion to continue the bar association's recognition, saying that she had no confidence it would be in compliance within a year.

Representatives of the association assured the committee that the changes recommended by the department were already in the process of being carried out and would be completed in time.

The bar association also got a negative review from a group of legal faculty members, the Clinical Legal Education Association, which accused the ABA of considering changes in its standards that would "strip important protections of academic freedom and faculty-governance rights ... by eliminating tenure and security of position for deans and faculty members," according to written comments submitted by the faculty group.

Faculty members at 65 law schools as well as a half-dozen faculty associations have voiced opposition to the proposed changes, said Jennifer M. Roberts, an associate professor of law at American University and a board member of the legal-education association. ...

In the end, a majority on the federal advisory committee voted to continue the bar association's recognition, but expressed frustration that they could not take stronger actions or at least state their concerns with stronger language.

Senator Boxer again goes after ABA

Press Release of U.S. Senator Barbara Boxer
For Immediate Release:

May 20, 2011
Contact: Washington D.C. Office (202) 224-3553

Boxer Continues to Urge American Bar Association to Improve Accuracy and Transparency of Data Reporting by Law Schools

Senator Recognizes Initial Steps by ABA, But Calls For Stronger Oversight of Reporting by Law Schools and Better Access to Information For Students

Washington, D.C. – U.S. Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA) today wrote a letter to the American Bar Association (ABA) acknowledging the group’s initial steps to address the accuracy and transparency of information for prospective law school students, but also urging the ABA to strengthen its oversight of admissions and post-graduation information reported by law schools and improve access to information for law students across the country.

Boxer’s letter follows an earlier letter on this subject, which was a response to recent news reports that have highlighted several law schools allegedly using misleading post-graduation employment and salary information to enhance a school’s position in the competitive and influential U.S. News and World Report annual rankings. Such inaccurate data can mislead prospective law students into believing they will easily be able to find work as an attorney and pay off their loans despite a sharp decline in full-time employment for law school graduates.

The full text of the Senator’s letter is below:

May 20, 2011
Stephen N. Zack
President
American Bar Association
321 North Clark Street
Chicago, IL 60654-7598

Dear Mr. Zack:

Thank you for your response to my letter regarding the transparency and accuracy of post-graduation employment and salary information reported by law schools.

I was encouraged to learn that in June the Section on Legal Education and Admission to the Bar will be considering recommendations on how the ABA can improve access to accurate and transparent information for prospective law school students. I view this as a positive step toward improved standards, but before completing its work on these important recommendations, I urge the Section to address some other important issues.

1. Independent Oversight

It is troubling that the recommendations do not address the need for independent oversight of the data law school deans submit to the ABA and publications like U.S. News and World Report. The Section’s recommendations would allow law schools to continue to submit unaudited data, despite the fact that a lack of oversight has been identified by many observers as a major problem.

The editor of U.S. News and World Report wrote a letter to all law school deans, noting a “crisis of confidence in the law school sector” and asked deans to be more vigilant in their data reporting. This letter and the recent news that a well-known law school admitted to knowingly reporting inaccurate data to the ABA for years indicates that independent oversight must surely be a part of any reform proposal.

2. Easy Access for Students to Information

The ABA should undertake efforts to ensure that students have easy access to post-graduation employment and salary information. Prospective students should not have to search far and wide for information so critical to determining their futures. To achieve this goal the ABA should make it standard practice for law schools to post links to this information on website homepages, and to include these documents in acceptance notices.

I would be remiss not to mention a very troubling New York Times article on law school merit scholarships. The article detailed the recent increase in the number of merit scholarships offered by law schools and demonstrated how scholarships are being used to convince students with high LSAT scores to attend lower-ranked law schools.

While the opportunity to earn a very expensive law degree at a fraction of the cost can be an attractive option for many students, the Times exposed a major problem with scholarship transparency. Many law schools not only fail to make it clear that prospective students must meet minimum GPA requirements, they also do not disclose how the law school’s grading curve can prohibit all students offered scholarships from maintaining the benefit every year.

It was reported that at one school, 57 percent of first-year students in one class year received a merit scholarship, but only one-third of the students in that entire class received a GPA high enough to maintain a scholarship. In the Times article, an ABA official admitted he was unaware of any problems with merit scholarships, and noted that the ABA does not ask schools to report how many students lose their scholarships each year and does not publish any information for prospective students on this subject.

I look forward to reviewing the results of the Section’s June meeting, as well as your response to the merit scholarship issue.

Sincerely,

Barbara Boxer
United States Senator

ABA outsourcing its annual meeting

America's phoniest "professional" organization is holding its 2011 annual meeting in Toronto. Canada. Thought you'd like to know that.

http://www2.americanbar.org/annual/pages/default.aspx

The Economist magazine agrees with me?

I see the Economist and I are on the same page. Granted I'm mosiach, Warren Buffet, and the Delphic Oracle combined, but it's gratifying to have my convicTTTions validated by such an august entity.

"Ultimately, lawyering is becoming more of a business than a profession."

Well, hit me with a 2x4. Ever wonder why my blog has Profession in quotation marks? Funny, this article is dated May 2011; it's about 30 years late.

There is nothing new, here, to anyone who follows the legal industry even casually. The main import is that it appeared in a widely-read and respected publication. The only reason I'm blogging about it is I started a draft a while ago and didn't want to let it languish. Which is a piss poor reason. Whatever.

The article leads off with Howrey LLP's dissolution. The firm's circling the drain led to much breathless (and witless) writing on ATL. The ultimate cause of death was partners defecting because profits weren't at their accustomed >$1MM/partner/yr. Pundits, including The Economist, can wax all they want on structural changes in the industry, but the firm was killed by old-fashioned greed and mismanagement, same as from time immemorial. Unlike a typical business failure, Howrey was never insolvent, and its investors (equity partners) landed on their feet elsewhere, each presumably with his or her book of business intact.

There's a much better article in the Washington Post that traces the firm's rise and fall. It also discusses structural changes, but the main one is the demise of the general partnership structure that bound partners to the firm and limited risk taking. Seems quaint, but around the time I was in school, associates who had been offered a partnership were advised to check the firm's financial condition, especially unfunded pension obligations. Also see Finley, Crumble.

I note Howrey set up "a back office in Pune, India, to provide low-cost legal research." Snort.

The interesting aspect of the Economist article is its predictions on what firms are likely to thrive in today's economy.

• Elite New York-based firms such as Sullivan & Cromwell that restrict their locations to business centers
• Smaller, highly-specialized firms such as Wachtell that can command a price premium, or, as one of our salesdroids used to call it, a "sustainable competitive advantage"
• Certain global firms such as Baker & McKenzie that have a viable business model and management that can execute it (my emphasis)

TLS members should make it a point to work only for firms positioned as described above lest their careers be derailed, though BigGov is also acceptable.

My favorite part of the Economist article was the discussion on protectionism. Other countries severely or completely prohibit foreigners from practicing local law. Meanwhile, over at the ABA, they're not only exporting legal work as fast as they can — until it blows up in their faces — but also subjecting the locals to CLE, mandatory pro bono, bar dues, etc.

How I wish this were the real profession I thought I was entering.

Off with his head!

'No, no!' said the Queen. 'Sentence first - verdict afterwards.'

The NY Times has just (I started this post a week ago and have been preoccupied) widely publicized how both the ABA and US Snooze are asleep at the switch. Again. Law Students Lose the Grant Game as Schools Win is just what the doctor ordered for the legal eduction carTTTel. The article managed to hit print the same weekend as two of the biggest stories of the era but the message will get out; it is was the second most-emailed business story on the Times's site.

The article features a victim of Golden Gate University, a toilet that rubs shoulders with unranked superluminaries such as Florida Coastal, Cooley, and Regent. Like other administrations that aspire to keep their jobs, it games its ranking by baiting well-qualified applicants with merit scholarships and then revoking them after 1L. The students themselves refer to it as "bait and switch."

There were few merit scholarships when I went to school. US Snooze changed everything.

Schools are ranked heavily on the LSAT scores and GPAs of their incoming students. The scholarships allow them to buy a better class and higher ranking. The gotcha is that the scholarships carry grade stipulations. The combination of a vicious grading curve and stacking the scholarship recipients in the same section ensures that many will lose them.

Basically, scholarship recipients compete against each other, though most don't realize that when they sign. Reminds me of the two hikers being chased by a bear. One pauses to take his boots off so he can run faster. The other yells, "Why are you stopping? You'll never outrun him!" The guy replies, "I don't have to outrun him, just you."

A side effect whose significance depends on your leanings is that money for need-based scholarships is diverted to merit scholarships.

Naturally, neither the ABA nor US Snooze track how many students retain their scholarships. Why should they? They're supreme beings; however, USNWR's Robert Morse's comments were so appalling that only Nando could do them justice.

Why is merit scholarship retention not part of the U.S. News data haul? “The main reason is that we haven’t thought about it,” said Robert Morse, who oversees the rankings. “It’s not a great answer, but it’s an honest answer.”

Then Mr. Morse thought about it.

“This isn’t meant to be sarcastic,” he said, “but these students are going to law school and they need to learn to read the fine print.”

Got that? They need to learn to read the fine print AFTER THEY'VE ALREADY SIGNED IT. The asshole is channeling Lewis Carroll.

Bob Morse also has investment advice: "Don't gamble. Buy some good stock. Hold it until it goes up and then sell it. If it doesn't go up, don't buy it!" Oh, that was Will Rogers. Never mind.

Restoring Dignity to the Law has pointed out there is no fine print to read at GGU. Naturally, the article has attracted plenty of attention elsewhere. Morse himself came down from the dark tower to issue exculpatory comments and point a finger at the schools.

DiversiTTTy

My beloved alma mater has emphasized racial diversity since the glory days of rioting, the 1960s. I thought this was a good idea, despite the school taking the idea too far. For instance, it sets aside law review seats. Its URM alumni have mostly done well, and better than me in any event.

"Diversity" is a code word for "straight, white males need not apply." Guided by the AMA and ADA -- whatever they do, do the opposite -- the ABA wants the US Snooze rankings to incorporate diversity. Basically, enshrine the concept that "diverse" students benefit a law school more than, uh, non-"diverse" ones. Black student from Chicago, good. White student who emigrated from Serbia, bad. Diversity, good. Merit, bad.

This letter could have been written by Lewis Carroll. We're talking about a so-called professional organization, the ABA, which is controlled by large firms whose equity partners are nearly lily white. Sure, they employ "diverse" graduates, as non-partnership-track staff attorneys, contract attorneys, and coders. See Tom the Temp's blog.

To its credit, USNWR has so far resisted this effort to torture its rankings to appease the ABA. Seems measuring "diversity," and how much "diversity" to include in the ranking, is problematic.

Want diversity? Go to Cooley.

The "profession" that oozes presTTTige

Had a bunch of things I wanted to write about today, but let's start with the best and save the rest. A shout out to Shit Law Jobs.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/lgl/2305235981.html

ASSOCIATE ATTORNEY (Midtown East)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2011-04-04, 4:24PM EDT
Reply to: job-dw9ft-2305235981@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Associate attorney needed at boutique matrimonial firm across from Grand Central. Must have 2+ years matrimonial law experience during law school or after graduation. Excellent computer skills including Excel, Word and WordPerfect are an absolute necessity. All resumes must be accompanied by law school transcript. Top 15% of class only. Position will entail primarily secretarial and paralegal tasks with opportunity for increased responsibilities.

Compensation: Negotiable
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 2305235981

Yes, TLS denizens, this is a fake ad created by a bitter JDU loser. For everyone else, let me summarize.

• Requires two years experience, though this can be while clerking.
• TOP FUCKING 15% OF THE CLASS. PERIOD.
• Transcript to verify above, because you can't be too careful.
• Presumably, NY bar admission.
• Expertise with WordPerfect, software whose heyday was the DOS-era.
• Despite the above requirements, the position is secretarial.

The sad thing is that the poster's mailbox will overflow with serious applicants. They don't actually care what your class rank is, but need a way to winnow the resumes they get.

They're probably not going to get many ex-biglaw types -- matrimonial is shitlaw territory -- but top-15% is a solid candidate for whom the world should be her oyster.

If you want to be a secretary this badly, then go to secretarial school. You get the same prestige without the six-figure debt and seven wasted years of your life. Thanks, ABA!

The only thing that would make this ad more special is if it were an unpaid internship. Next week.

Newsflash - Senator Boxer calls out ABA

Press Release of U.S. Senator Barbara Boxer

For Immediate Release: March 31, 2011

Contact: Washington D.C. Office (202) 224-3553

Boxer Calls on American Bar Association to Ensure Accurate and Transparent Data Reporting by Law Schools

Recent Reports Suggest Misleading Post-Graduation Employment and Salary Information Used to Skew Influential National Rankings of Law Schools

Washington, D.C. – U.S. Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA) today called on the American Bar Association (ABA) to improve its oversight of admissions and post-graduation information reported by law schools across the country.

Boxer’s letter follows news reports that have highlighted several law schools allegedly using misleading data to enhance a school’s position in the competitive and influential U.S. News and World Report annual rankings. Such inaccurate post-graduation employment and salary data can mislead prospective students into believing they will easily be able to find work as an attorney and pay off their loans despite a sharp decline in post-graduation full-time employment.

The full text of the Senator’s letter is below:

March 31, 2011  

Stephen N. Zack
President
American Bar Association
740 15th Street, N.W.
Washington, DC 20005-1019

Dear Mr. Zack:  

As you know, recent news articles have raised concerns about the reporting of admissions and post-graduation information by the American Bar Association and law schools across the country. It is essential that students deciding if and where to attend law school have access to information that is accurate and transparent. The ABA, as the accrediting body charged with oversight of the nation’s law schools, must ensure standards and accountability.  

As the economy continues to recover from the recession, many new law school graduates are struggling to find jobs as attorneys. According to Northwestern University, at least 15,000 legal jobs with large firms have disappeared since 2008. The Bureau of Labor Statistics indicates that the number of people employed in legal services has decreased from a high of 1.2 million in 2007, to less than 1 million in 2009. Experts predict that fewer than 30,000 new attorney positions per year will be available to the more than 44,000 law school graduates entering the marketplace each year.  

This very serious problem takes on greater significance when viewed in the context of news articles highlighting law schools that allegedly falsify post-graduation and salary information in attempts to increase their position in the annual U.S. News and World Report rankings.  

Most students reasonably expect to obtain post-graduation employment that will allow them to pay off their student loan debts, and rely on this information - which may be false at worst and misleading at best - to inform their decision.  

As reported in the New York Times and other publications, the ABA allows law schools to report salary information of the highest earning graduates as if it were representative of the entire class. Also, when reporting critical post-graduation employment information, law schools are not distinguishing between graduates practicing law full-time from those working part-time or in non-legal fields.  

I understand that some ABA members have been pressing for reform, that the ABA has appointed committees to review ways to increase oversight and transparency, and that U.S. News and World Report has requested greater transparency from law school deans. These are good first steps, but more must be done to ensure potential students have a full understanding of the costs and benefits of a legal education. 

I am requesting that you provide me with a detailed summary of the ABA’s plans to implement reforms to its current procedures to ensure access to accurate and transparent information for prospective law school students.  

Thank you for your attention to this matter.  

Sincerely,  

Barbara Boxer
United States Senator

Drama Queen

Good post today by ex-scamblogger Kimber Russell over at Shilling Me Softly. In response to an Ivy-educated nitwit who wants to leave a cushy, albeit unglamorous federal job to go to law school, she replies,

"I hate to say it, but in my opinion, the JD is on its way to becoming the drama major of graduate degrees. I began my college career as a theater major, and it was understood even by the thickest freshman that most of us would never be big stars and that we would have to supplement any income derived from acting by waiting tables or working at Starbucks. That's the future I predict for the JD."

Bingo. This is the best, most succinct prognosis I've seen.

In the ABA's fumbling haste to open the "profession" to anyone who can fog a mirror, it trashed it. I'd argue that a J.D. has even less value than a B.A. in Drama, to wit:

• A J.D. requires seven years of schooling in most jurisdictions versus typically four for the B.A.
• A J.D. automatically overqualifies you for many positions. Prospective employers expect you to leave as soon as something better comes along. Not so the B.A., which is synonymous with starving actors.
• Law schools are cash cows. The worst are the standalone ones not affiliated with a university. How many standalone drama schools do you know of?
• It's a lot harder to ship drama jobs off to Bollywood than legal jobs off to Mumbai
• There's no Top Drama Schools forum.
• Most law schools are accrediTTTed by the worst "professional" organization on the planet. Can't say that about drama schools.

Give the ABA a couple of years and it will achieve parity between a J.D. and a B.A. in Drama. Some day, little girls in Nebraska will dream of leaving their hometown to spend $500K attending Hofstra and then working in shitlaw in Queens. If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere ...

To the nitwit who wrote into SMS, remember the story of the sparrow.

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard. Almost frozen, a cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then, a large cat came by and hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and ate him. Morals to the Story

1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Everyone who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend.
3. And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut!!!